I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
