The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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