Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
