Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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