I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
