im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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