i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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