I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
