I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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