You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
