How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
