That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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