I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
