it's too hot outside to masturbate.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
