exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
