I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
