I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
