I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
