No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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