I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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