I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
