You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
