Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
