Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
