I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
