I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
worst night to have a conscience
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
