just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
