all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
