She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
