Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
