Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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