Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
