We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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