I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
