Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
