I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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