Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
