i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
