I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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