please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
