You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
