i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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