You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You took a bar mat shot.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
