Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
