Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
