Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Did I show you my penis last night?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
