Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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