did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
