I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
