it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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