Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
