so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
